Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Horror Movies Seen As Pithy Life Lessons


  • Phantasm: Don't have sex in a cemetery at night.
  • The Night of the Living Dead: Frankly, just avoid cemeteries altogether.
  • Dracula: Beware of illegal immigrants.
  • Frankenstein: Early childhood education is vitally important to the development of a child.
  • The Exorcist: Don't become a Roman Catholic priest: Low pay, high mortality rate.
  • The Nightmare on Elm Street series: Don't take justice into your own hands, especially if it involves burning an alleged felon to death.
  • The Friday the 13th series: Don't have pre-marital sex.
  • The Hallowe'en series: Seriously, don't have pre-marital sex.
  • Cujo: Have your pet regularly vaccinated for rabies and other diseases.
  • The Omen: The Italian health-care system is a mess.
  • The Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Home gardening can be a life-changer.
  • The Day of the Triffids: Green energy is bad.
  • Gremlins: Have your pets spayed or neutered.
  • Pet Sematary: If you have young children, don't live close to a road.


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