Horror Movies Seen As Pithy Life Lessons

• Phantasm: Don't have sex in a cemetery at night.
• The Night of the Living Dead: Frankly, just avoid cemeteries altogether.
• Dracula: Beware of illegal immigrants.
• Frankenstein: Early childhood education is vitally important to the development of a child.
• The Exorcist: Don't become a Roman Catholic priest: Low pay, high mortality rate.
• The Nightmare on Elm Street series: Don't take justice into your own hands, especially if it involves burning an alleged felon to death.
• The Friday the 13th series: Don't have pre-marital sex.
• The Hallowe'en series: Seriously, don't have pre-marital sex.
• Cujo: Have your pet regularly vaccinated for rabies and other diseases.
• The Omen: The Italian health-care system is a mess.
• The Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Home gardening can be a life-changer.
• The Day of the Triffids: Green energy is bad.
• Gremlins: Have your pets spayed or neutered.
• Pet Sematary: If you have young children, don't live close to a road.

Darker Companions: Celebrating 50 Years of Ramsey Campbell (2017)

Darker Companions: Celebrating 50 Years of Ramsey Campbell (2017): edited by Scott David Aniolowski and Joseph S. Pulver, Sr. : Excellent tribute anthology paying homage to the lengthy career of horror master and noted Liverpudlian Ramsey Campbell. Stephen King compared the experience of reading Campbell to being on LSD way back in 1981's Danse Macabre. 40 years later, Campbell continues to write -- and he'd been published for 17 years before Danse Macabre.  

The editors encouraged stories reflecting on Campbell's different periods, from his early Lovecraftian pastiches to later forays into X-rated horror, kitchen-sink dread, psychological horror, and many other modes. 

A couple of humourous, meta-fictional stories break up the often grim proceedings, none grimmer than Cody Goodfellow's "This Last Night in Sodom." The title is a nod to Soft Cell, the only soft thing about the story. All of the stories are good-to-excellent. Steve Rasnic Tem offers the closest thing to a pitch-perfect exercise in emulating Campbell's mature style. Other stand-outs include stories by Thana Niveau, Adam Nevill, Lynda Rucker, and Michael Wehunt. Highly recommended.

Cutting Edge (1986): edited by Dennis Etchison

Cutting Edge (1986): edited by Dennis Etchison: Contains the following stories:

Blue Rose by Peter Straub; The Monster by Joe Haldeman; Lacunae by Karl Edward Wagner; "Pale, Trembling Youth" by W. H. Pugmire and Jessica Amanda Salmonson; Muzak for Torso Murders by Marc Laidlaw; Goodbye, Dark Love by Roberta Lannes; Out There by Charles L. Grant; Little Cruelties by Steve Rasnic Tem; The Man With the Hoe by George Clayton Johnson; They're Coming for You by Les Daniels; Vampire by Richard Christian Matheson; Lapses by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro; The Final Stone by William F. Nolan; Irrelativity by Nicholas Royle; The Hands by Ramsey Campbell; The Bell by Ray Russell; Lost Souls by Clive Barker; Reaper by Robert Bloch; The Transfer by Edward Bryant; and Pain by Whitley Strieber.


Excellent mid-1980's original horror anthology edited by Dennis Etchison, one of horror's greatest short-story writers. Stand-outs include "The Monster," a rare foray into horror from Joe Haldeman (The Forever War, Forever Peace) that embeds its supernatural horror in Viet Nam. 

There's also a superior tale of religious angst and the common fear of getting lost in Ramsey Campbell's "The Hands." Les Daniels journeys into short fiction for a weirdly hilarious take on EC Comics-style ghostly vengeance, "They're Coming for You." Chelsea Quinn Yarbro offers a disturbing tale of disintegrating memories and consciousness in "Lapses." In all, a solid anthology with very few misfires. Highly recommended.

If It Bleeds (2020) by Stephen King

If It Bleeds (2020) by Stephen King: Stephen King returns to the four-novella volume he previously explored in Different Seasons (1982), Four Past Midnight (1990), and Full Dark, No Stars (2010). I think it's a stronger quartet than Four Past Midnight but not quite as good as Full Dark, No Stars and definitely not as good as the excellent Different Seasons. 

That last one yielded three movies from three of its novellas (Stand by Me from "The Body," Apt Pupil from "Apt Pupil," and The Shawshank Redemption from "Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption"), while the fourth, still-unadapted novella is an above-average 'Club Story' ("The Breathing Method").

Onwards!

"Mr. Hannigan's Phone": Childhood nostalgia meets The Twilight Zone, as in "this is the most Twilight Zoney novella here!".  King manages to tweak an already-overused horror trope that started with telephones and moved on to cellphones. Bittersweet dark fantasy more than horror.

"The Life of Chuck": A backwards-moving triptych of linked stories exploring the title subject. Again, this is bittersweet and more than a little elegiac.

"If It Bleeds": Private investigator Holly Gibney of the Bill Hodges Trilogy and The Outsider returns to battle another supernatural menace. This is a horror thriller, enlivened by both the concept and by the always engaging Holly, who keeps her personal demons at bay while battling another monster hiding in human form. or forms. 

"Rat": King returns to exploring the lives of writers, in this case a man who not only has never finished a novel but was driven nearly insane by his last attempt to do so. We return to the unincorporated townships and fishing cottages of Maine, and an unexpected visitor with more than a bit of Monkey's Paw DNA.

Overall: Not much horror here, but certainly a worthwhile read. Recommended.

The Art of Self-Defense (2019)

The Art of Self-Defense (2019): written and directed by Riley Stearns; starring Jesse Eisenberg (Casey), Alessandro Nivola (Sensei), and Imogen Poots (Anna): Extremely off-beat drama-comedy in which nebbishy Jesse Eisenberg starts learning karate after being mugged, in turn falling under the spell of the weird, initially charismatic Sensei of his dojo. 

The film successfully navigates a line between satiric comedy and Taxi Driver-style revenge fantasy. Eisenberg is pitch-perfect as Casey before and after gaining confidence. 

Alessandro Nivola is also good as the Sensei. Imogen Poots does solid work as well as the best student in the dojo, one who nonetheless never gets promoted to Black Belt despite the obvious superiority of her skills. Perhaps most impressive of all is that writer-director Riley Stearns nails the ending. Highly recommended.

Plagues of the Past: The Ghost Map

The Ghost Map: The Story of London's Most Terrifying Epidemic – and How it Changed Science, Cities and the Modern World (2006) by Steven Berlin Johnson: Engaging, sweeping examination of England's last major cholera outbreak in London's Broad Street neighbourhood near Soho in 1854, and how two men ensured that England would never suffer from a cholera outbreak again. Medical Doctor John Snow and Anglican curate Henry Whitehead, both of whom lived near the outbreak, would form a somewhat unlikely Dynamic Duo whose detective work and scientific acumen would convince the medical and civil authorities of London that cholera was a disease spread by contaminated water and not, as then-standard wisdom had it, by 'miasmic' gases.

Much of the book is marvelous and humane, explaining the rise of cholera to being one of the world's great killers over the course of the last 200 years. Along the way, The Ghost Map also delves into the development of epidemiology, safe sewer and water-supply systems, and the toxic Social Darwinism that helped blind Victorian England to the true cause of cholera in its cities. The book also offers a tour through London's underground economy of night-soil men and cat-meat men and coster-mongers and 'pure' collectors (pure was a euphemism for dog shit), and their roles in keeping the 'above-ground' world running.

You'll also visit the horrifying cess-pits and cesspools and streets of 1854 London. You'll discover why alcohol, tea, and coffee were all integral to the urbanization of the world. But mostly you'll deal with these two heroes of science and rationality, Snow and Whitehead, as they individually and then dually seek an answer to the Broad Street Outbreak. 

Only in the last 20 pages or so does Johnson waver, as he suddenly takes the book so wide as to attempt to convince the reader that the world will be a better, more environmentally friendly place when everyone lives in cities (not suburbs -- cities proper). It feels like the beginning of a different book, one whose enthusiasm for urban living and disdain for rural living comes gushing straight out of its author and onto the page. All it really lacks is the line, "Since the beginning of time, man has longed to evacuate the countryside!".

But other than the writer's book-derailing, evangelical rant about the Great Goodness of Cities, The Ghost Map is terrific, informative, sad, and hopeful. Lift your glass of clean drinking water to Snow and Whitehead, who defeated an invisible enemy 30 years before humanity could reliably find cholera under a microscope. Highly recommended.

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

The Dead Don't Die (2019): Writer-director Jim Jarmusch's bleak, hilarious homage to the zombie movies of George Romero is an occasionally meta-fictional delight, though the wall-breaking is generally left up to Bill Murray and Adam Driver's small-town cops. Don't get too attached to any of the characters, and don't expect anything all that normal to transpire in the small Pennsylvania town of Centerville (the Pennsylvania setting is another nod to Romero's Dead movies). 

Driver, Murray, Tom Waits as a prophetic hermit, Chloe Sevigny as another cop, Tilda Swinton as a Scottish undertaker, and what seems like a cast of thousands all gamely walk and occasionally stumble into the apocalyptic night. Perhaps a perfectly cathartic movie for these COVID-19 times. Highly recommended.