Flatliners (1990)

Look out! There's a train coming!

Flatliners (1990): written by Peter Filardi; directed by Joel Schumacher; starring Kiefer Sutherland (Nelson), Julia Roberts (Rachel), Kevin Bacon (David), William Baldwin (Joe), and Oliver Platt (Steckle): I guess if you're going to kill yourself and then be revived so as to probe the mysteries of what lies beyond death, you might as well do so in a run-down, moodily lighted church while working at a hospital that looks like the offspring of a Renaissance art gallery, a brothel, and something Poe barfed up after doing too many shrooms.

You could use Flatliners to teach... the 1980's! Kiefer Sutherland, Julia Roberts, and Kevin Bacon BRING THE HAIR. So much hair. Such odd apartments. Kevin Bacon seems to live in an abandoned warehouse. William Baldwin seems to live inside a clock tower. Kiefer Sutherland seems to live in a set of rooms just vacated by Dave Bowman in 2001: A Space Odyssey prior to his transformation into the Star Child.

Joel Schumacher cues you as to supernatural shenanigans with colourful lighting. And what supernatural shenanigans! I enjoyed watching Kiefer Sutherland repeatedly pummelled by the ghost of a ten-year-old boy. Or is it a ghost? Time will tell!

Kiefer Sutherland has this outfit when we first see him... I won't spoil it. But it should go in the Smithsonian as an awesome example of late-80's chic. And Kevin Bacon rappels down from his apartment window at one point because this is what people did back then. Such, such were the joys! Recommended because it was terrible but fun.

Flatliners (2017)

Nina Dobrev gets defibrillated incorrectly.

Flatliners (2017): adapted by Ben Ripley from the previous film written by Peter Filardi; directed by Niels Arden Oplev; starring Ellen Page (Courtney), Diego Luna (Ray), Nina Dobrev (Marlo), James Norton (Jamie), Kiersey Clemons (Sophia), and Kiefer Sutherland (Dr. Wolfson): 

The original Flatliners wasn't very good, and is perhaps remembered best for its confluence of Kiefer Sutherland, Kevin Bacon, and Julia Roberts unconvincingly playing three Med School Interns who start killing themselves and reviving themselves so as to explore the world of Near-Death Experiences (NDE) up-close and personal.

Same thing here, slightly different characters and results. Ellen Page is semi-believable as an intern. I guess. Everybody spouts a lot of silly medicobabble. The ladies keep getting defibrillated through their clothing, which I have it on good authority wouldn't be reliable and might actually set someone's clothing on fire. OK, there's a scene I'd like to see.

Kiefer Sutherland plays the interns' supervisor while wearing a white fright wig and limping around on a cane to denote great age. He's not the same character as the original movie, which is too bad. I'd have liked to have heard Sutherland yell about flatlining. Alas, no.

Everyone's really casual about dying and coming back, even as the revivals take longer and longer. By the time someone utters the line, "if they find out we've been flatlining, we'll be expelled!", I assume brain damage has set in. This isn't a terrible movie. It's not scary and it's dumb, but so was the first movie, regardless of what your nostalgic memories tell you. Grantchester's hunky Anglican priest James Norton does a pretty good generic American accent -- certainly better than Benedict Cumberbatch has ever mustered. Good for him. Not recommended.

Mirrors (2008)

Mirrors (2008): adapted by Alexandre Aja and Gregory Levasseur from the movie by Sungho Kim; directed by Alexandre Aja; starring Kiefer Sutherland (Ben Carson), Paula Patton (Amy Carson), and Amy Smart (Angela Carson): Intermittently enjoyable adaptation of a Korean horror movie that I'm pretty sure was a whole lot better and more coherent. Kiefer Sutherland does what he can, as does Paula Patton, but there's not a lot for them to do. Director Aja manages some creepy visuals among the ruins, though they cease to be interesting after the first hour or so.

Grieving cop Sutherland (he shot someone, or something, not wrongfully, or maybe wrongfully -- if the movie-makers can't be bothered to clearly explain what drives Sutherland's character, why should I?) takes a job as night watchman at a burned-out, high-end New York department store in the tradition of Macy's. 

Something terrible lurks within all those mirrors still standing around years after a store-wide fire that killed dozens. 

Actually, nothing seems to have been removed from the store after that fire. And the store's still there. Isn't New York real estate worth a lot? Why is this structure still around?

Oh, well.

The last third of the movie is so ridiculous as to reduce the stakes to zero. The female characters are there for the most part to get horribly killed, act as the shrieking voice of reason in the midst of crazy supernatural events, or be the monsters themselves. And that last third. Hoo boy. If nothing else, we learn that the ghosts and demons of this film spend a lot of time dusting. They're tidy. Good for them. Not recommended.